


Marauders' Matchmaking Inc.

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-22
Updated: 2007-01-22
Packaged: 2019-01-19 07:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12405612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: A Lily and James story. Pure fun and jokes.  Lily needs to find a date to a wedding but it is turning out to be harder than she thought.  With the Marauders on her side, "helping" her, it is bound to get interesting.  Read up to see if these guys can bear the wrath of the Marauders...





	1. Heaven Sent Invitation (Not)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**_ Marauders' Matchmaking Inc. _ **

 

This is basically an A/U (Alternate Universe) fic, because it could never happen, according to the way JKR seems to be writing Lily and James's lives. 

** **

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. The characters you recognize belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot this was loosely based on belongs to the people who wrote the ABC Family movie, "See Jane Date."

 

**Chapter One:** The Heaven-Sent Invitation (Not)

 

Lily Evans sat comfortably in her one bedroom apartment, faithfully watching another re-run of her favorite television show. Though this woman sitting in front of the TV. on a Saturday evening looked perfectly normal, looks can be deceiving. She was a fully-trained witch and proud of it.

 

Of course, what she wasn't proud of was that she had been lying in front of the television all day in her pajamas. Sure, the phone had rung. She didn't answer it. It could be–don't say his name– _him_ calling to see if she was okay. Sure, she  
was okay. She got dumped by her boyfriend everyday, so yeah, she was fine. Right.

Arrogant jerk, she thought, spooning more triple fudge ice cream into her  
mouth.

So he had wanted to break up with her. Lily could accept that.

 

Kind of.

 

What she couldnÃ•t accept was that he had dumped her for some blond-haired, blue-eyed, big-chested bimbo named _Daisy._ Lily shoved another spoonful in her mouth.

What kind of name was Daisy, anyway? If you were named that at birth, did that mean you got a size two body and snotty smile automatically? So what if she was a healer and a model part-time. Lily was a hit-witch for the Ministry. Wasn't that just as good?

Which reminded her... _I should have gone to work today,_ Lily thought.

She would have, but then Sirius had some to see her before work. He had taken one look at her, and called in to work to tell them Lily was sick. Lily would have laughed, if she wasn't in her present, depressing situation. The Ministry wouldn't be pleased with her. They needed all the help they could get, what, with Voldemort on the loose.

Voldemort. What a _psycho._ A _sick_ psycho. Killing off all those innocent muggles for the fun of it. How twisted was _that?_

And that's another thing. The Order of the Phoenix meeting was tonight. She had missed it by now, though. Stupid break-ups. They made you forget everything.

 

Except your ex.

 

The phone rang. Lily let it go. Let whatever that person had to say join the other fifteen calls she had already gotten. Unanswered.

But the rings didn't stop. Lily gave up. Fine, fine, one phone call wouldn't _kill_ anyone.

Unless it was from him.

 

_That_ might kill her.

 

She dropped the spoon into the ice cream carton and hoisted herself up to pick up the telephone.

"Hello?" she answered tonelessly.

"Lily, darling. How are you?" the voice on the other end perkily replied.

Lily grimanced. _Petunia._ Of all the people to be on the phone, it had to be her. Her sister was a lankly, snotty woman who believed herself to be the most witty, beautiful person alive. It was considerably hard to deal with her on most days because of her conceited personality. Her high and mighty air was the _last_ thing Lily wanted to encounter today. After she had been dumped by her boyfriend. Petunia was going to have a riot with this unfortunate occurrence. 

Damn her conscience. No more answering the telephone. Only _very bad_ things can come from it.

"Positively wonderful. You?" she grumbled.

Lily's tone must have gone unnoticed. Either that, or ignored.

"Perfect. Guess what?"

"What."

"I'm getting married!" was the animated reply.

_What the–?_ Lily thought _._ She could barely rap her mind around the concept. _How ironic. When I break up, she get engaged. Is the man upstairs doing this to_ ** _spite_** _me?_

"Really?" was all Lily could say.

"Yes, sister," she said. If she hadn't noticed Lily's tone before, she sure had now. Petunia sounded like she had just smelled something horrible in the air. "Your invitation will come in the mail, but I just wanted to let you know. The wedding will probably be in about two months."

_Okay. Stay calm, Lily. She didnÃ•t call to poke fun at you; she just wanted to tell you her happy news. Be supportive._

"Well, Congratulations!" Lily said, trying to sound _a little_ happy for her big sister, "By the way, how did you manage to get the wedding to be so early? Don't you have to book the church _way_ in advance?"

"Let's just say Vernon knows someone," Petunia said happily.

"Well, I hate to break this short," Lily lied, "but I really should get off the telephone."

She felt completely and utterly horrible. Petunia had a fiance. Scratch that, at the lowest level, she had a boyfriend. Someone who wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her. Lily had never been one to define herself by her relationships, but this was really depressing at the moment. She was rarely jealous of Petunia, so this was an odd feeling, indeed.

"Do you have a date?" Petunia asked, for once, not being cruel.

"Kind of." If you count ice cream as a date, Lily added silently.

"Oh,' Petunia sounded amused, "You definitely should go then. I can't wait to meet your 'mystery man.' Bring him to the wedding! Have fun, and talk to you soon, Lily."

"Of course, Petunia. Good bye," Lily responded, hanging up the phone.

So her sister was getting married. _Wow._

 

Horror struck in Lily's mind.

 

_"Bring him to the wedding!"_

 

Oh, no.


	2. Finding Mr. Right by Asking Mr. Wrong

**_ Marauders Matchmaking Inc. _ **

 

**Disclaimer:** The plot of this story is loosely based on the ABC Family movie, "See Jane Date." The characters are property of J.K. Rowling. The only things that belong to me are the changes I made to the plot I borrowed, and the new characters that you don't know from the Harry Potter books.

 

**Chapter Two:** Finding Mr. Right by Asking Mr. Wrong

 

Lily glanced down. She had run out of ice cream. Lily peered at the front of the carton. _One pint?_ What she _needed_ was one _gallon_.

She got up, went to the kitchen, and threw the box out. Lily opened the freezer above her refrigerator. She glanced inside, the cold air hitting her face refreshingly. She frowned at all the ice cubes.

_No more ice cream, huh?_

Then she walked back to the living room and opened the coat closet next to the door. _I could always get more ice cream,_ she thought, pulling on her coat. _The nearest market isn't that far. I could walk there._

Lily opened her apartment door and almost stumbled over–

" _James?_ " she said, stunned.

"I was just about to knock," he said, a little surprised.

He grinned at her, and ran his fingers through his hair. He seemed to be carrying a grocery bag.

"How are you?" he sounded concerned.

Lily stood speechless in the doorway. She barely had enough sense to pull her coat off of her shoulders. Luckily she still had some sense and flung the coat back into the closet as James elaborated.

"I saw Sirius at the Order meeting," he explained.

Lily groaned, inviting him in. She led him through the foyer and into the living room. As much as she liked having James around at the moment, as a form of amusement and friendship, this was slightly depressing.

"So Sirius is spreading around to _all_ my ex-boyfriends that I'm single now?" Lily asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Just what she needed. An ex-boyfriend to console her.

But then again, she and James had dated and broken up back during her Hogwarts  
days. And since it was a mutual decision, they had been good friends since.  
So technically, he was more of a friend than an ex. _Right?_

"No, just me. It's because I'm special," James gloated.

Lily snorted.

"What? Do you want them all to know. _That_ long list of guys?" he challenged, "Because I could pay them all visits."

And he would too.

'My list isn't half as long as _yours,_ Potter."

Her eyes met his briefly. It was almost as though he knew what she was thinking.

"Point taken," he surrendered, and walked off into the kitchen. Lily followed curiously.

"So what's in the bag?" she asked as he set it on the counter.

James smiled at her, and unveiled it like he was on a game show.

"Your own free gallon of-- _ice cream!_ "

"You know me so well," Lily said holding back a laugh. Leave it to James to make her smile.

"Years of practice," he stated simply. "Now where are your spoons?"

"Second drawer to the left," she went into living room and reached the television. "Any movie preference?"

"Yeah, nothing weepy," he said, bringing in the gallon of ice cream, and two huge soupspoons.

\----------------

"If you weren't going to acknowledge my movie preference, then why did you even ask me?" James asked Lily, his eyes glued to the television, grabbing a spoonful of ice cream.

"I'll always love you!" the actress on the screen cried as her leading man left her in the rain.

"To be polite," Lily replied, resuming her monotone voice again.

It was halfway through the movie, and Lily hadn't watched any of it. Sure, her glance was fixated on the TV, but her mind was on other things.

"James, what am I going to do?" Lily sighed, exasperated from thinking too much.

He tore his eyes away from the screen.

"You mean without-- _him?_ " After accidentally saying _his_ name a couple of times, James quickly learned _his_ name was _not_ to be spoken _._

"No, about the wedding."

"Wedding?" She suddenly had _all_ of his attention. James got up and turned off the movie. "What wedding?"

"Petunia's wedding," Lily said as James plopped back down onto the couch. She spooned herself more ice cream. "She phoned be earlier, before you came. She called to tell me her wedding's in _two months_."

"Wow. Two months, huh?"

Lily swallowed her mouthful and nodded. "She knows someone."

James felt confused. "Oh...well, whats the problem?"

"She wants me to bring my boyfriend to the wedding, too," Lily said, starting to feel stressed again.

If James did not understand, she did not know who would. James was probably the closest thing she had to a best friend. He knew almost everything about her...Her favorite books, charms, the ways to make her smile...He was, quite possibly, the only person who knew how to make her laugh when she felt more like crying than laughing.

"So tell her you broke up with him," he responded immediately, wondering what the big deal was.

Apparently no one would understand.

"No way, James. She will think I can't keep a boyfriend, since I always seem to be breaking up with one _every time we talk_. I can't!"

"So then stop talking to Petunia. Maybe you will keep your boyfriends," James grinned jokingly.

"Right. No more coming to you with my problems," she replied, not amused.

"Bring a friend with you to pose as your boyfriend," James recommended, trying  
to be helpful now. "Bring me. I'll fake my _'undying love'_ for you."

He moved closer to Lily, and playfully put his arm around her, raising his  
eyebrow suggestively.

Lily swatted his arm away, and glared at him. Then she took back the  
glare and almost laughed again.

'That could work, only she knows you. I've mentioned that we broke up."

"So we couldn't get back together?" he said, making sad-puppy eyes at her.

"Petunia won't believe that. Even if she stupid, she not _that_ stupid."

"Okay...what about Remus?" James suggested, trying to hide the fact that he was a little offended by that quip.

"Ex-boyfriend, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Where was I during that?"

"Probably pulling a prank on the Slytherins with Sirius, would be my  
guess," she said with a laugh.

Lily dumped the two spoons in the empty ice cream container and took it to the kitchen. She tossed the spoons in the sink, and the ice cream in the garbage.

"Sirius?" James called from the other room.

"Petunia, the purple-haired bride, and a dead Lily mean anything to you?" she called back.

"Peter?"

"Are you kidding?"

"No?" he asked hopefully.

"How are his manners?"

Lily came back from the kitchen and joined James on the comfy sofa.

"Frank?"

"Married."

"Oops," James racked his brain for single men. Never in a million years did he think he'd be doing _that_. "Chris?"

"Too honest. He'd tell Petunia even if we duck taped his mouth."

"Snape?" James grinned wickedly, waiting for Lily's reaction.

Pure disgust.

"No offense but–"

"No need to elaborate, Lily," James said, "I agree completely."

Lily stopped, not wanting him to go on. When it came to James, he could come up with anyone, after he listed down Snape. Who knows? Next he'd probably suggest Malfoy!

"James. Stop. Now." Lily ordered, finally coming out of her funk to tell James off, "There is no way you are going to set me up with someone. I'll suit myself, thank you very much."

"Fine. I won't help you then." James said in mock disappointment, smiling mischievously. But if you took a trip into James's brain, you'd realize the last thing he wanted Lily to do is find a new boyfriend. He'd hated the last five guys since himself enough. He wasn't about to let her get away again.


End file.
